And We're in College

I stepped off the bus and the phrase "you aren't in Kansas anymore" came to mind. I looked up at the multiple buildings that make up Sheridan college and had to take a deep breath before my legs could remember what they were supposed to do. I began walking in the general direction of the school but clearly I had no idea which one of these buildings I should be entering. Turns out the bus drops you off at the back of the school so the main entrance was no where in sight. I picked a building and of course it was the wrong one. Thankfully a kind man who I assume was a professor could easily tell I was lost and walked me around through what felt like a maze to even more buildings and eventually to the exact desk I was looking for.

After I paid my tuition it was time to find the room where my language assessment test was to be written. I had to go back outside and pray I would find my way without a tour guide. I walked out of one building and into another and I was passing dance studios and what seemed to be a summer camp for kids. I felt like I was in the wrong place but kept walking straight down the long hallway trying to look like I knew where I was going. At the end of the hall was a door leading out of the building-oh great! Then I saw a sign and realized I did find the right place. Alleluia!

I was early so no one was there yet. Slowly people started to trickle in. Everyone was so young. I felt like I might be sick because I was feeling so anxious. "Why am I here"? I thought. I had to find somewhere to sit down for a minute. Everyone just stood there playing with their cell phones or ipods. A few brought their parents or friends and were talking quietly. I just sat there.

Finally it was time to enter the testing room. Maybe it was a lecture hall or an auditorium, I'm not sure. All I know is it was not anything like I remember school. We line up to sign in and choose a seat. When everyone is seated we are told we could come up and get a dictionary and scrap paper to use. I take advantage of this in case I forget how to spell my name or something. Then she came around and placed a test in front of each of us face down. The papers are pink, blue or green. I assume they were all different. Then she tells us that we have 75 minutes to complete it. I panic. The website clearly stated that we would have 2 hours to complete the test. I take another deep breath and try to focus on the here and now.

I had to choose between writing an essay about the earth's diminishing natural resources and why they need to be saved or about how a person should prepare for a job interview. I settled for the latter. To say it was easy would be a lie. I struggled to gather my thoughts and remember how an essay is supposed to be written but I did it. I just don't know if it was good enough. I am so bothered by this because in school my one major strength was always English class. Writing essays and stories and poetry was the one thing that I always found easy. I left there feeling scared. What if I lost my mojo? How will I survive the next 2 years? Maybe I did wait too long to go to college.

I feel so silly for being so afraid to go to school but the truth is I am a nervous wreck. I just hope that I did well enough to get into the course I need to get into and that my confidence in my abilities will come back because God knows I need all the confidence I can get to get through this chapter of my life.