#BoysDanceToo

For a society that seems to want to eliminate gender altogether we sure do hold a lot of gender based assumptions about things. One of which is that if you are a boy and you dance then you must be gay.  A straight male wouldn't choose to dance. A straight male would choose to play hockey, or football, or basketball. And so if a boy is interested in dance, somehow society sees that boy as weaker than his non-dancing male peers because society also views being gay as being inferior. Thus if being male and taking dance makes one gay, and being gay is inferior, then it becomes a laughable sport for a male to engage in. (See Lara Spencer's reaction to Prince George taking ballet) While Lara Spencer never outwardly says anything directly about being gay, her entire demeanor flaunts this societal norm.

Only it isn't true.

Not all boys who dance are gay. There are plenty of heterosexual males tearing up the dance floor or leaving it all on stage. It is this group that I am going to focus on because it is this assumption that enrages me as a mother of a male dancer.

I put my son in soccer when he was 3 like I had with his older brother. When his older brother played soccer he showed natural athleticism.  He loved playing and was very good at it.  When his younger brother played, he seemed bored most of the time and would entertain himself with movements that made me think he may enjoy gymnastics more (such as hanging upside down on the goal post).

In Gymnastics that fall, he was excited, focused and quite good.  He also seemed curious about the dance class that took place at the same time as his class.  He enjoyed dancing in a way I think many babies and young children do and rather than squash that interest and force him to be an athlete, I chose to let him try a dance class. He was so excited to hopefully one day dance just like Michael Jackson. He had found his passion.

But I noticed a pattern in how people would respond when they ask him what sports he plays (for some reason this is what we ask boys). When he replies that he dances, he is often faced with an awkward "oh" by the puzzled faced person who doesn't know how to respond. Sometimes people will say things like:

"But don't you like sports?"

"I bet he would be good at basketball like his brother."

"You should put him in a real sport."

"There are so many dancers in the world you will never get anywhere with dance. It's a waste of time."

"You are going to make him gay."

Others just try to avoid the subject all together. They never come to watch him perform and cheer him on. It's not an exciting basketball game after all. They don't understand the effort that goes on behind the scenes to master a two and a half minute dance routine, much less ten routines.  They don't understand that he notices the meaning behind their words and he notices their absence, too.

There is another misconception I'd like to clear up.  Not all boys who dance every discipline like every discipline. For example, my son loves hip hop, jazz, acro, and contemporary but hates ballet. And while he does not like ballet, he will spend close to three hours a week in ballet classes this coming dance season because it is required to be able to do the styles he does like. Not only is that dedication, it is also a skill everyone can benefit from. In life we often must do things we don't really want to do in order to do the things we do want to do. To tease him for taking ballet would be to tease him for showing perseverance. And he has been teased.  He has been told directly to his face that he is gay because he takes ballet. He has been told he is gay indirectly when people have deliberately commented on how gay ballet is, or if they see a male dancing ballet on TV they say something about how the dancer must be gay.  Do you know how confusing comments like that can be on a straight male who participates in ballet? Society needs to stop with this messaging. Dancing ballet doesn't make someone gay.

As parents we should all be following our children's interests and recognizing what they are drawn to and nurturing that interest as best as we can.  I strive to do this with both of my boys who have taken on very different extracurricular paths.  I shouldn't have to defend this decision either. No one ever asks me why my older son plays basketball or tries to talk me out of it or questions how basketball may affect his sexuality.

As a society we need to stop perpetuating stereotypes and making assumptions.  Society may think that the real athletes are those playing sports like basketball or football and that dancers are not real athletes.  But if they challenged my basketball playing son against my dancing son to a push-up contest, I promise you it wouldn't be the basketball player that won.