I watched the laptop shooting dad video several times trying to comprehend how any normal human being (especially a parent) could watch it and think it was cool of dad to do it. How can they think that the daughter deserved this or that this is acceptable parenting? Did we all watch the same video, because I am left floored with a hurt heart just thinking about the life of this teen and the future of this family?
There is little doubt in my mind that this brick wall family has left this girl emotionally abused long prior to the disrespectful messages. I also sense that the father doesn’t care in the least about the emotional stability of his daughter and doesn’t even make an effort to understand her.
I am not blind to society. I know many teens are defiant and downright spoiled. I know that the generation of today has it easier than generations past. However, this video contained so many examples of deeper issues that I need to point out to you.
One of the first things the father says in the video is that Hannah was grounded for 3 months for doing something similar in the past. That is an extremely long sentence for exercising freedom of speech.
I am not saying what she did is ok, but it’s not like she is the first teen to vent in anger. Doesn’t anyone remember bitching to their friends about their parents during those years? Sure we didn’t have Facebook back then but the concept doesn’t change. Facebook is a method of communication for teens of today and that isn’t their fault.
If this father had not grounded her for 3 months and instead dealt with the REAL problem at that time, perhaps things wouldn’t have gotten this far. You see, punishments tend to escalate each time and when you start excessive it gets more excessive each time. Let’s hope that the next time (because there will be a next time) that he doesn’t “show her who’s boss” but putting every bullet he has in her actual ass.
He should have figured out WHY she was so angry with him and had a discussion like adults and work together for a solution. That way, he would have taught his daughter a lesson in respect by saying “what you did hurt me, but I still love you, I hear what your concerns are, these are my concerns”.
Because he treated her unfairly, trust was already long gone in their relationship. It was to the point where this father decided to spy on his daughter through Facebook and didn’t like what he found.
Then he pre-meditated a revengeful plan to get back at her. To get back at her. His ultimate goal as a parent was to make his daughter hurt and suffer embarrassment through public humiliation because he was humiliated. How is he any better than her? Actually, he is worse than her because as an adult you would expect him to have better parenting tools to set an example of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.
When I listen to Hannah’s posting I hear a teen who is feeling stressed out, in need of a break and on the verge of depression. I don’t care what teens of yesteryear went through that was worse. Everyone handles stress and expectations differently and something isn’t right with her and it needs to be addressed. There are also many contradictions between what she says she does and what the father says she does.
Listen.
Hannah says she feels like a slave. Perhaps it’s because of HOW these chores are presented to her and how her work is treated by the family. She said she has to make their coffee. I wonder if she is busy doing something important to her and called downstairs to make it while the parents watch TV. (that’s an assumption on my part, but why is she responsible for this I wonder). She also says she is shoveling fertilizer for the garden but the father doesn’t list that in his (edited) short list of what he wants viewers to think the chore list is. He also left out the work she does at his clinic. He didn’t deny that she does these things either. But the part that I heard loud and clear as the major problem she has with doing chores is not the chores themselves but the disrespect of having people carelessly mess up the work she just put in. As a wife and mother I can appreciate that frustration. Who would like to just clean floors and then have people walk all over them with muddy shoes knowing that she will have to clean it up again or be grounded. That does sound slavish to me. I would surely feel like one.
The way this father speaks to his daughter on this video gave me an insight to how he talks her in real life and what he thinks of her. If I can hear it and feel it, certainly she is too. I sense he has little respect for her as a human being. He thinks that doing things for his child, like installing software, makes him a good parent. He thinks of his daughter as lazy, not worthy of trust and not smart enough.
Hannah says she is finding it hard to keep up with school and chores and burdened by the hanging threat of being grounded constantly. The father seems to feel like he had a hard life and is so full of himself that he doesn’t care about the individual needs of his daughter. She should just be like he was and if she can’t handle it than he will sit back and emotionally abuse her.
Now, I am not saying that she should be coddled and not have to do anything because that will not help her either. However, she needs support, encouragement, to be treated fairly, and to have a voice in the household. Teenagers need a sense of empowerment so that they can learn to take responsibility for their own lives.
The father doesn’t show respect for what she does in the video, so I can’t imagine he shows any in day to day life. He had initially listed several chores and his lowball estimate of how long they would take (obviously he has never actually done any of these chores in his life), but then he turned around after listing his superhero powers in his own teenage life (which I also assume are exaggerated) and said her ONLY responsibilities were waking up on time and catching a bus. If you were actually doing a lot more than that and then told by your father that was all you are responsible for is waking up and catching a bus, how would you feel? Now imagine its been happening your entire 15 years of life.
He also belittled her for having a list of the chores she is to complete. Wouldn’t a good parent encourage the use of lists? Isn’t that a sign of responsibility? I have countless lists in my life, does that mean I’m stupid?
Teenagers need discipline and guidance, not punishment and unforgiveness. I think he has forgotten that his daughter is a human being, not a robot. She will make mistakes, and so will he (as he clearly demonstrated through the creation of this video). However, even a person who comitted a real crime would receive more forgiveness than she did. She is going to put in 3-4 years for posting a mean status on Facebook. I’m pretty sure a rapist somewhere is getting a lesser sentence. I come to this conclusion because he said she will not get her things back until probably college. This punishment is far too extreme. Where is the guidance and where is the chance to do better? Where is the love? Several times in the video we are told of past groundings and the constant threat of grounding. The punishments are meaningless and not working (because punishment doesn’t correct behaviour) and so each time they escalate until you wind up shooting 9 bullets in your daughter’s laptop.
Now let’s assess the message this father sent to his little girl. He said you love your laptop. It contains your school work, pictures, a social life and who knows what else and I am going to destroy it in the most violent way I can think of. I feel powerful when I use a gun and since I will go to jail if I shoot you, I will just shoot this and make you watch it and post it so your friends can laugh and you and the whole world can see what a brat you are. He showed his daughter and everyone who watched the video that if someone ever disrespects you that it is ok to disrespect them right back in an ever worse way to show them they are worthless and you are king. It’s ok to humiliate them back and then take it a step further by deliberately and violently destroying something meaningful to them to emotionally hurt them and make sure they suffer for years. Then, to add insult to injury he makes immature comments that she will owe him for the cost of the bullets and the cost of the software.
As he pulled out a gun and began shooting the laptop all I could feel was the hate he was feeling towards his daughter. No other emotion would bring about such an over the top action. He shot his daughter’s property in cold blood. This said so much to me about his character that I am left feeling like “no wonder she is the way she is”. Look at her role model? And if he isn’t enough he implies that the other trusting adults in her life feel the same way. Could you imagine being treated this way for making mistakes in your life?
Before you jump on the bandwagon that he is the coolest father ever, giving him kudos and egging him on for his amazing parenting skills, perhaps you should try to remember mistakes you made as a teen and then imagine your parents not forgiving you. Who would you be today if that happened to you?
If you are not one of the 13,000,000 people (and counting) who watched this video, you can watch it here:
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